June 24, 2009


Yesterday was one of "those" days for me. The kids were great, just my thoughts and frustrations about life were getting to me. I won't go into great detail, but things have been tight financially. We've been wondering what to do with our rental house and business and all that nice stuff. Kinda feels like we've been stretched to the max. So yesterday was one of those days where I felt myself saying things like, "Ok God, you know I'm willing to be obedient to You, you know I'll listen, so WHAT am I supposed to do?...I mean seriously...whatever you tell me to do, I'll do it. Just tell me SOMETHING!". Have you ever been there? It's just like, enough is enough.

I felt that way all day until I emailed Mark and said, "It's not right that I feel like throwing in the towel most of the time." He responded, "No it's not. Or maybe it is. Why don't you throw in the towel and let Jesus take your place. Stop trying and let go." On a side note: I must confess, I am one of those personalities that likes to get things done. I'm driven and motivated. I MUST do. There, I said it. Perhaps that's why I do SO many things, or think I can do so many things all at once. And let's not throw the baby out with the bath water - it is not wrong to be driven, I believe God wants to use this strength in me...but I must trust Him as I "do". Allow myself to be the vehicle.

So, I let go. I stopped thinking "enough is enough". I stopped thinking and just relaxed. And then went to bed.

Then today I awoke, still aware that my house is not as tidy as I'd like, or that I'm not as organized as I'd like, or that there are so many things I need to get done RIGHT NOW, and aware that there are a hundred other things/projects/ideas I'd like to get started on...aware, but not bothered. And then the day began. Peaceful and busy. Productive and easy. Driven and clear-minded. I wasn't nagged by the tasks not yet completed. I just let go. And I let Jesus be the driver.

The day was full of unexpected "gifts" and wonderful reminders that when I trust God, He pulls through. Everytime. No exceptions. It's not hard for Him, in fact, it's His nature. It's our human nature that gets in the way.

And I realize that my "challenges" may not be the same as yours, and yours are not the same as the next person's and that there are many factors that weigh in on how we perceive things. We are each individual. But you know what? God values each one of us and knows us better than we know ourselves. He actually cares. So when those "questions" arise, like, "What do I do about my job?" or "How can I get my child to obey?" or "Why am I still in the same circumstance?"...just take a deep breath, step back and know that the answer is actually already here for you: Jesus.

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