July 11, 2012

Looking in from the outside

Wow.  The past two months have been a whirlwind of ups and downs, little sleep, lots of tears and lots of joy.  I am afraid it's been such a blur that I won't be able to remember it.  I am trying to fix certain things in my mind because our new baby, now two months old, is most-likely our last.  As I try to hold onto the memories, I'm taking pictures as a back-up because I know I won't be able to remember it all.

You know, I'm a big-picture kind of gal, but there have been many days over the last 11 weeks where all I can see is what is right in front of me...and to be honest, at times it's been a little overwhelming.  I'm giving myself lots of grace though because I'm still in the learning-curve of being a mom of four.  I haven't been so hard on myself and I'm trying not to rush back into my busy normal of raising kids while juggling business and writing.  I have been itching to do more photography for Studio Vie, but at the same time I realize I can always do that.  Photography will wait for me, but my babies will grow up.  They will not wait for me to have time for them.

On the days when all I can see is the routine right in front of me and I start to feel unthankful, I stop for a moment, take a breath and imagine I'm looking into my life from the outside.  What if I was not me?  How would I view this life I live?  If I could watch from the outside, I think I would see a beautiful, healthy, growing family.  I would see kids with huge potential who hang on every word that comes from me.  If I could watch from the outside, I would maybe tell myself not to worry so much, because it's a waste of energy - instead, to spend that energy praying for these incredible children as they grow.  I would see that, yes, there's a mess of toys and unmade beds, but really the kids do not notice and they won't remember.  I would probably tell myself to snuggle while they still want to.  I would probably tell myself that decorating the home is more than what's on the walls, it's what's in the air - the atmosphere - that makes it a peaceful place to be.

And now I'm going to go think of this a bit more and be thankful for how blessed I am.

If you could watch your life from the outside, what would you see?  What would you tell yourself?


Olive Ashfield said...

Estelle, what a delightful entry on your blog! You have caught a revelation of what being a good Mom is all about! God bless you, my Dear, and all those sweet little angels He has entrusted to your care!

I had a plate with the following poem inscribed on it that I kept hanging in my kitchen when my boys were little. Perhaps you have seen it somewhere. It goes like this:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow.
Babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.

So, settle down cobwebs, and dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my babies, and babies don't keep!

Of course, our hubbies and children deserve a tidy and clean home, but if it doesn't all get done today, it will be right there waiting for us tomorrow! Enjoy the precious moments together while the little ones are still in the nest, and have fun making memories together!!

Olive Ashfield

Debbie DeBaeremaeker said...

beautiful post!

I'm with you on what to tell myself from looking from the outside.

im a mom of 2 (second one just a day apart from your 4th)and im learning how to balance my life too